On Site, Insight

Breathing steadily, in and out, I just need to get through this.  I hate this part. It happens and it makes no sense to me, but then it does. Tight spaces, crowded spaces. Unknown people and the negative energy that surrounds them. My mind, it races.

All in my mind, I wonder, what is this person thinking? What is he doing, why did he have to sit here? This isn’t bad. I can handle this. I’ve had to deal with worse in my own space.

My own space, man, when will that get done? At this rate, it seems like never. I have to just take my time, but that’s always the case. The old days are gone and progress is still being made.

Panic in a new situation, only physical pain and weariness in another. My attitude and my voice stay level in panic, but rises with unseen and unfelt anxiousness in the latter. Funny how that works.

Quietly and calmly everyone else moves about, but God has chosen him to bring the challenge. One lady with beautiful curly hair, making me wish I could be wearing a skirt instead of hot jeans in this summer weather. The first day of Spring. Huh? Great smiles on all the ladies faces out of some form of happiness or kindness. The guys straight faces, until he comes in. Man, I made it this far. I just have to keep my eyes focused on the clock, the flowers, the desk, anything else.  She’ll be here soon to get me. No obligation to anyone but myself right now, I let you know, you’re on your own.

I’ll be here for you as much as I can. We talked. Only if I’d dealt with myself sooner, then, now, when you really need me, I’d be able to do more. We’ll never know, but we can keep trying. Being honest helps. Also, listening. Man it’s hot, but we’ve been here before. I love you more than you’ll ever know. This isn’t much. I just have to be more careful now. I’m no longer Superwoman. I can’t control everything, but I can see how I have gained control of some things. For that, for you, for all that God does, I am grateful.



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